Demons are back!

My demons are back.
They haunt me day and night,
Never stopping, ever restless,
I stop, look, and try to forget their presence,
But they glare back at me, like a hungry shark,
I try to change my course,
They are waiting at the corners, as soon as it is dark,
I have lost so much in this endless fight,
Don’t know what they want now!
They say, it’s not the end, till you give up!
I say “get lost” and end the conversation with my usual “meow”!

No more tear-spillage!Promise!

Reminiscence of the old days….I remember – had always been a pampered kid. I used to cry a lot if I could not laid my hands on something I desired. Be it attention, a useless thing like a broken toothbrush, shining stones from a old chandelier in the garbage, or a “gajar ka halwa”. I know the list is so ostentatious

But, the point being….i knew if I will cry, after some time I will be so tired that I will unknowingly drift to sleep on that old sofa that used to lie outside nanaji’s (maternal grandfather with whom I spent some good years of my life) room! In the evening, when I will get up…..whoa……there would be the thing for which I had spilled my precious tears!

Now, the next point being…it no longer happens! Not that I am short of problems, whims, frustrations  or tears! It’s just that there is no magic happening out here, I no longer get things on platter, nor there is a sympathetic hand on my back. It feels like being a toddler fighting all fears and wars against this whole place on his own!

This is a time for introspection, a time for taking that journey. I have given up on my goals so many times before just when I was about to make it! Can’t afford it this time!

So, finally the point being…….I have wasted an entire day wallowing in self-pity and blaming everyone I know for my plight! Heart-in-heart I know it’s not true! I and only I am responsible for what I become tomorrow! So, if I have to compensate on my lost time by pitching in those extra late night hours……I am game!

P.S. I watched ‘Secret’ day before….and I was already visualizing myself in my dream place and surprisingly everything is going wrong after that…..is it experimental or the universe is testing me! Phew!

Last but not the least…shopping and looking/feeling good is a womens’ best friend! Tried and trusted!

To hell with them!

I hate a special group of people……..one who think they have been bestowed with an eternal and divine responsibility for deciding what is moral and what is immoral in life! Take a break! Who the hell do you think you are, when you comment on somebody’s ethos and morals……Well, am I supposed to buy crap from a shitty fellow, who does not have an ounce of idea what really I am but has the guts for dictating that “I should respect the place I live”.

Those who are wondering, why a calm fellow like me felt like lashing out on ‘dons’ like that…..the background story is…….go back and read my previous post (life Life looks promising and a hell lot like a joy ride)….and let me know what was so unethical in the entire narration. Is it that I love the sound of music or is it that I love to dance or is it I am conscious about my physical fitness…..what is it? Well I am curious to know! / I live in 21st century, and hell! I know what my values are!! “Respect the place I live”….hell with you Mr. Craze.blaze1 alias arrogant fellow. You definitely need to check with a therapist! Man, I write for myself and am definitely one of those who respect people’s views and opinions, but to deal with people like you, I know what to do…..”shift and delete”. Thankfully, I have the power to decide the comments on my page! Once more for you………May god bless you in hell!

Last but not the least I do not like wasting my precious post on some undeserving causes like these….but guess once in a while It’s really necessary.

Life looks promising and a hell lot like a joy ride….

At least for the time being…….
Been busy with loads of things for the past weekend!

1. Finally started with my online piano lessons…..and well yes…I am doing really good at them! I have started reading basic notes from the music sheet! Sounds exciting, yes, it surely is! I can’t wait for the day when I can actually play some good music on the keyboard!

2. Still stuck up with the idea of a driving school! I am not a fresher….nor I am completely an expert! It’s just that I need to get over this phobia of driving in cramped spaces (read Delhi roads) and that too with confidence! if I am able to do That It will surely be a big thing. IDTR seems to be a place where they have all these kinds of courses! I really don’t know if I can really go that far (Sarai Kale Khan) and with those odd timings! But, This is something important….if I really want to get that Scorpio in my hand

3. Fitness club or Dance class! Actually both! But…………
Paying 6000 per month to a luxurious Gym (I know it’s worth it) but why it has to be so costly. I am not able to convince myself to get up early in the morning and head out for jogging! (sasta sundar tikau formula but needs dedication)! Till the time this happens, I am not going to touch any of my sarees! My tummy teases me every time I stand in front of that stupid mirror~

4. Salsa class – Ah!! Smiles!
Can’t think of anything that can make me soooo happy like this one! Hopefully will finalize something this week itself!

5. Lats not the least 50 odd assignments that I need to submit by May 02 2009 for my MBL course! How will I survive! I am spending endless nights on this!

So, In a nut shell life is busy but full of promises right now, and yes I am enjoying it for a change!

Crib – Crib – Crib – till the time you start hating the word itself!!

Tired, lost, trampled, crashed, and disappointed
Bad heath, worst mood, and nobody to listen! Can it be better than this?

Shopping Bug – Time to Let go the Girl Inside…:)

Summer is knocking on the doors….and I just love the weather……!
Time to pull all pink, mauve, lavender, and white out of the closet!

The other day I was window-shopping and my mind was running fast with plans for the combinations and designs that I am going to include this summer in my wardrobe…..!

My search has already started for a lovely, flowery, Georgette, scarf that I guess should be a part of every girl’s outings!

Lets hope I get my bets collections this time……If somebody wants to help me with the search – you are most welcome!

My Wish List – Things I would Love to Receive As Gifts ;)

High time to become mean and imprudent……..

I am fed up of gifts that really do not help me….:) I appreciate the warm gestures but then I thought let’s help those souls who really want to spend some time making my heart go swell with happiness and pride…….

Therefore, I am posting this list of my most ardent desires which somehow I have not been able to execute for sometime…..hope this list helps……don’t ever hesitate to ask me what I want until and unless it is really a surprise….and I promise I will keep this list updated

1. A book I have been counting on for ages – Be your own mentor – Strategies from top women on the secret of success by Sheila Wellington

2. An organizer -so that I can keep count of things I need to do and be the perfect girl that I am

3. A regular subscription to a fitness club and a salsa class

4. Tickets to Goa and Bhutan

5. My very own white colored Chanel bag

and the more will be updated soon!

The Tussle

The News – God and I are not in talking terms!

When it started, I have no clue. All I know – I do not talk to him anymore. That reflects in the way I storm pass Him everyday, without acknowledging.

And He never leaves a chance to win me back. Be it like sending a vehicle (auto or a bus) my way when I am feeling all lost at the deserted roads at 9:00 PM after my office OR like forcing a friend to give me a call when I am cocooning in my inner shell OR like making the sun rays shine earlier than planned when my bones are rattling with cold on a chilly Delhi morning.

I know He wants me back – but I can’t. I am deeply hurt by the joke He played. I asked Him that this joke was not supposed to be on me then why me of all people. He replied ‘because I loved you.’

Do you think I am going to buy this reason?

I really don’t know.

But till the time I decide – this post will keep its opening line – God and I are not in talking terms!

Tuesday Thoughts

I have so many things in my mind for which I want to think and write down. Unfortunately, I am passing a very confused and tiring phase. So, dont know when will be the next time, I will carv out something ‘dil se.’

Just a few random thoughts -
I have begun to hate Delhi like never before – I hate it’s buses, the people, autowalas, and everything that is responsible for spoiling my entire day – each day!
huhhh!
more laters……

Rehna Tu – Beautiful Song

Amazing song…and when you hear it on an amazing walkman player….effect is all the more!

I like this song more than ‘Jai ho’, Rehman effect is more visible in this!
“Rehna Tu
Hai Jaisa Tu
Thoda sa dard tu
Thoda Sukun

Rehna Tu
Hai Jaisa Tu
Dheema Dheema jhonka
Ya phir junoon
Thoda sa resham
Tu humdam
Thoda sa khurdura
Kabhi daud jaye
Ya lad jaye
Ya khushboo se bhara

Tujhe badal na na chahoon
Rati bhar bhi sanam
Bina sajawat milawat
Na jyaada na hi kaam

Tuhje chaahon jaisa hai tu
Mujhe tere baarish mein bheegna hai ghuljana hai
Tujhe chaahon jaisa hai tu
Mujhe tere lapat mein jalna rakh ho jana hai

Tu zakham de agar
Marham bhi aakar tu lagaaye
Zakham mein bhi mujhko pyaar aaye
Dariya o dariya
Doopne de mujhe dariya
Doopne de mujhe dariya

Rehna Tu
Hai Jaisa Tu
Thoda sa dard tu
Thoda Sukun

Rehna Tu
Hai Jaisa Tu
Dheema Dheema jhonka
Ya phir junoon
Haath tham chalna hi
To dono ke daye haath sang kaise
Haath tham chalna hi
To dono ke daye haath sang kaise
Ek daaya hoga ek baaiya hoga
Tham le haath yeh thaam le
Chalna hai sang tham le”

P.S. Sonam’s look in this song makes me remember about a friend’s better half!

Mayank: Now you know why you should feel blessed!