Will I?

Will I, Won’t I? These are the questions raging through my mind right now. And these are going to be there for some time – the next two months, exactly two months.

Will I ? Won’t I? If all this has happened for a reason and the reason is good. I am on my way to get that reason right, perhaps first time with so much conviction and passion. Exactly two months are going to change the entire course. I may temporarily turn into a polar bear – gone for hibernation.

With a lot of ‘tornadoes’ currently surrounding; it is my way escape too! So, if after December, you wonder why I have grown these ‘big’ long hair, they would be nothing but reminiscents of my hibernation days! And that period starts tomorrow :) :D

Glad as well as scared! It is a matter of Life and Death! At least I will like to believe that ways!

I can’t help quoting these dialogue from ‘A Beautiful Mind’………Let me not forget to add – I am in love with this character – John Nash! :)

“Dr. Rosen: You can’t reason your way out of this!
Nash: Why not? Why can’t I?
Dr. Rosen: Because your mind is where the problem is in the first place!”

Nash: I’ve gotten used to ignoring them and I think, as a result, they’ve kind of given up on me. I think that’s what it’s like with all our dreams and our nightmares, Martin, we’ve got to keep feeding them for them to stay alive.

Alicia: I need to believe, that something extraordinary is possible.

And with this, I am gone! :)

B’day, Best time to say “Thanks Mom” :)

Mom and a Baby - Copyrighted Image - www.msholinprosales.com

Words don’t come easily…yes, when it is your b’day…..words really don’t come easily. How do you feel, what you are thinking…..? It is something like, yes there is something inside, but how would I pen it down…..so all thoughts will be rumblings, and a flow of thoughts is also not guaranteed…….anyways here I go……

This day is special for me….true. But, more than that what I feel this day is special for my mom. I was her very first creation. I sense a unique feeling imagining, you bring a life to the world, and then u see it growing day by day……….The first thing I am going to do in the morning, is rush to my mom’s lap and tell her, look mom your tiny daughter has grown into a splendid woman. :)

Mom and I have already spent the entire Sunday, trying to make this day memorable. I have not shopped this much even in the entire last year. My room is right now full with loads of goodies, neatly wrapped. I will be in my best form tomorrow, a glow of 25 beautiful years intact on my face……..yeah, really a long time…….but guess what, I still feel like a new born kid at heart….its true I am no longer the person, who used to run across the fields and used to color all my home walls with different creations, but guess I have been doing that through my mind now……!!!

Perhaps this is the right time and also the right platform to tell my mom………..thanks for bringing me to this beautiful place, thanks for keeping me so close to your heart, thanks for giving me a beautiful mind and soul, ,…………and ya, thanks for being my mom :)

At my terrace, Mother Nature brought me a beautiful gift, the first rose of the entire season bloomed this very evening……as if it was a gift sent at the right time. It’s drizzling here, little by little, I looked up the sky, there amidst the blue background, those biggy clouds were smiling, I gave them a flying kiss, and in return they sent a breeze to touch down my face :) .

B’day is the best time that reminds you, that you are a beautiful creation, so as long as you are here, don’t forget to spread the smile across.
Today, I have already completed a phase of my life and trust me, I truly feel like a woman,  confident, happy, independent, lively, blessed, ……..and yes very much alive.

Thank god, for all those gems whom I call my friends, thanks for giving me best of the parents, thanks for two little special babies who were born as my siblings, thanks for giving me a chance to love and lose, thanks for a heart who can feel and breath the rhythm around, thanks for a beautiful mind who can read and create thoughts, thanks for bringing so much positivism in my life, …………………..basically thanks for making me the person that I am.

Now, I am feeling sleepy, so here is a b’day kiss for myself, let me drift into a peaceful sleep, because tomorrow Rhiannon will be stepping on the earth, to feel its blessings, earthlings, time for celebrations…..yupppiieeeee……:)
Goodnight!!!

Meow :)…. New language of love!!!!

Meow in her young age!!

This is one of the most sought after post on my blog (courtesy: stats):) And the best thing about this post is it gets updated, as the story unfolds. I don’t know after this most recent edit (September 29, 2009); when will it be updated next, but at least this is for sure, till the time, the author of this post is alive, he/she will be giving voice to this ‘meow’, about whom you are going to read next: :)

2001: The baby kitten opens her eyes, she is so scared. Everybody calls her little meow, but she is so much different from the other kittens. She does not look like one, but still she sticks to the belief that she is a one, because evrybody calls her so. The world is such a bad place……people know how to walk on the dead souls. She is as innocent as the new bud…..Will she survive? Will she be spared?

All she had seen was the fluttering of wind, blooming of flowers, descending of clouds and falling of rain on that vast green field. She used to run around the field, better than anyone. She knows one day she will grow up to become more clever than anyone. Sometimes, when she is in deep musings she wonders what it is like to me a lioness…..and the next moment in her empire of mind she is the one. Then she sees a lion in the distance, all she realizes is there exists something inside, which beats faster than that train which crosses the old bridge near the fields everyday. It was nothing she felt the first blissful feeling of her life that the world likes to call as ‘Love’….!!!

August 2002: The lion is leaving the fields, he has to enter the jungle. To carve a niche for himself. In last ten months he has seen this little baby of ours growing, they are befriended, the green pastures are such a place that all the animals are in harmony with each other . He knows what she feels. But oooohh, she is a kitten and a baby:(. The lion bids her goodbye…….he goes ahead to find a world of his own, in search of his lioness. Our baby kitten cries her heart out. She complains to that “power” that everybody says is responsible for the lightening during a thunderstorm. She pledges she will grow up to b a big, powerful cat oneday and never set her heart on anybody else. Memories do not leave her mind, they become an inseparable part of our little meoow.

August 2002-August2005: Green pastures had turned into a battle ground. The fittest had to survive here……..Our little kitten has grown up……….all the animals are scared of her now. Nobody tells her what is the reason, but she gets to see it in their eyes. Something is wrong. When she walks on her path, the path is vacated. She has felt the change in her claws, in her gait, in her strength, she is the new queen of the jungle………..but heart in heart, she is our little meoww. All this while, you might be wondering, has she forgotton the lion. Nopes, she daily comes to that small hill where she had seen the lion resting for the first time. This is a ritual for her, and a reason for her survival……!!!!

August 2005: Pastures have been taken by the government. the animals are moving to the different regions. Our little meow decides to leave the green valley and come to the big jungle. She makes her journey to the place. This is her first time in the jungle. She feels so lost. But, there is something about her that still make the animals leave their space. Soon, she makes a place for herself. But, she still misses her old kingdom, where she had acquired her own status of the Queen!!!!

One fine day, our little meow happened to tread across the bridge at the end of the jungle. There flows a river with a clear spring water. She walks to the end of the river and dips her head to sip the water from the river. Booommmmmm!!! what is that. she is taken aback. This is not me, she says to herself………….arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr ” I look more like……..like ……………..like………………the lioness!!!!
Meow in the jungle

The realization daunt upon her…..!!! oh!!! so taht was the reason for my gait, and confidence, she mutters under her breath…….smiles spreads on those lips, eyes sparkle with an unbound happiness!!!! She runs back to her den, she knows what she needs to do now. She needs to search for the lost lion anyhow. She knows he went back to the jungle…………..she wants to meet him and let him know that the little meow has grown up into his lioness, and there was not a moment in those six years that she had not missed him.

August 2006-2007: Our little meow, oh sorry queenie lioness has already find her Lion back. The first thing that she tells him is her meowww :) , the same old sound that as a little meow she had uttered to him. The lion is delighted to see her back. he has grown into the Lion of the jungle……….he had seen a lot in this span……………and the saddest part being he is now so disheartened, that he tells the meow to go back, and find a new dream, a dream she can chase, a dream that might b suitable for her……..what he does not realizes is that meowww…..will never do that………no matter what………!!!! Because she might be the queenie lioness ruling the jungle………..heart in heart she still the meowww, who loves her lion more than anything. and you know what, she still prays to that lightening gord who comes around the month of August every year, to let her one wish come true….the wish that she had saved for these last six years………….The story still is not complete………….lets c what our little meow gets…….will she survive this time, will she get her wish granted…may be that old bumbble bee that has its home on that old oak, and that predicts the future, will be knowing……:)!!!

August 2009: Life was going as usual for our meow; it took a little more than eight years for her to find her Lion. Everyday, they were getting closer to their dream until the morning of August 23.

Meow could not believe her ears; the Lion was gone! Gone forever! She had tried to reason out, but could not succeed. For the first time in her life, the little meow cried. She did not even touched the bowl of milk left on her doorway by her friends for next four days. How could she? Her hopes, dreams, visions, all were gone. Meow thought, perhaps this is the end. She wanted to jump over the cliff at the end of the jungle, the cliff that would have taken her down the abyss, where none of the animals ever dare to walk; if it was not for that saint who was praying over the rock.

He told her that everything in life happened for a reason, and most of the times the reason is good. He told her that the MAKER who created her was protecting her in every way. Meow knows life is not going to be easy and she needs to start afresh. She is more than sure that she will never be able to forgive the Lion. She knows it’s time to leave this jungle; the same jungle which was her home for all these years, the jungle that hold so many memories. The jungle she wanted to start her life in.

September 2009: Our meow is more than happy. :) She could not have seen God’s way of being fair in a better way. Does she remembers the Lion? Of course Yes, :) but as a memory that was good and glad that it was over. Our meow has been invited into a new jungle and she is planning to leave this place for good. :) Life hold so many miracles that are waiting for her to unfold. Our meow knows there are more heights to be reached, and more places to be explored……and meow’s journey continues. She still believes that nothing gives you more power, or makes you more happy/contended or makes you so aware/enlightened as being in Love. Whenever she is alone, she still utters under her breath – a little ‘meow’ sound – to reaffirm her faith in these beautiful words  called LIFE and LOVE !:)

So next time, u know u love somebody just say meow…….:)

P.S The Lion is well settled is perhaps happy too and sadly this is the last occasion when he is part of our meow story! The character ends here….and will no longer be the part of our meow chronicle! :) Adios Amigos!

To b Continued……!!!

Disclaimer: The characters in the above narration are purely fictional, any resemblance to any person or animal living or dead is purely coincidental ;)

“I need my Own Sunshine”

    Its raining again in Delhi :) …a heartfelt relief for all the wretched souls. Unfortunately, my heart seems to miss the beat. Even those bright pearl shaped drops were not able to bring a smile to my face today. I am traversing through a crisis, crisis of my finding my real self, my happiness, my vocation. Wind tries to blow on my face, tries to convey those beautiful melodies in my ear, but perhaps I am lost. Lost like a child on a sea shore, wondering where is my favourite sea shell. till the time I will get mine, the melodies, the beat will do nothing to calm the perturbed soul.

let me put these thoughts behind for sometime and write something more positive and cheerful.

Delhi is a nice place to be, it has got life. You can actually hear her heart beat, if you get time to stand still and observe. It has its colors in the faces of the people, high rise buildings, tortuous roads, stillness of nights, extreme weathers, and never ending chaos. I am not in love with this city, but i can not stop admiring it. It is a big canvas in itself, and i am having fun spilling my colors in corner of this huge canvas.

I meet new faces almost daily. Every face has a story. I am weaving them all together. perhaps, some day i might need them all to craft a story of my own…..someday, somewhere!!!

Its Friday, a ritualistic day…..beginning of another weekend. Should i feel happy, elated…..:) I do not have feelings for this weekend. Perhaps the reason being there is nothing much to look forward to :) Taking life the way it is being offered daily, so i cannot complain.

Right now, what i will only ask myself is to be a bit more positive. The sun always comes up……….and what i really need now is a little bit of sunshine………..my own sunshine.

Amen , Almost Rhiannon

subject to copy right

Life Betrays :)

     ” Twists and Turns of Life, Who would not have seen this strife,

       As the hours , days and years passby, and the pain becomes sterile,

       The bitterness never ends though, for losing emotions so fertile,

       Who is to be blamed I ask, Is it Destiny?

       When i walked with my eyes closed, where was my faith,

       Today logic presides over me, and I do what I want,

       Fool myself endlessly, cross the deserts undaunt,

      I think I am happy enough, then why my heart does not sing,

      the melody, the music, the flutter, the beat, i guess something is missing,

      He the fool who wants agony, above anything on earth,

      Is the fool of the rarer kind, who will not get heaven or hearth,

      If you have all going for you, and the time just asks you to wait,

     and promises you all the blessed things, and rescue you from the ill fate,

     why does your heart envisions, that you are taken for a ride,

     your faith and heart will be betrayed again, life will march in its own stride.”Abstract Life from Ndesign Studio - subject to copyright